I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
