My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
