Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
