I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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