I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
