My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
