this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
