i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
