I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
