Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dick very happy bro
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
