pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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