I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
