I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no. you can't hotbox the world.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need water and some morals
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
