My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
