i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
