You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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