i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize