Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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