My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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