What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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