on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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