Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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