I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
