He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
