tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
