what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he shaved USA in his pubs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
