Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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