Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
