Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize