Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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