It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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