I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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