How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
