The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize