Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
where does the pee come out of this thing
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
