dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
