You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
