I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
