If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
