i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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