you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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