toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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