That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
