WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
