well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
