I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
