she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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