Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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