if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
