I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
