her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
