Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
