It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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