Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
