wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
