You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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