he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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