Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize