I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
