never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
