shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
