did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
