Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
