My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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