Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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