Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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