here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
