is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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