Soap is not a condiment
well you can't waste a boner
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
