I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
