We won't sleep together?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
