Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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