Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Walk of Shame today included voting.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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