I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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