Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
