thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
