I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
