Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
