how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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