Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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