My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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