in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love having hate sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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