I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
