i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I want is dick and wine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
