She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize