I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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