Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
smell my finger.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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