I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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