My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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