Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
