I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
