Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
