please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
