he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
