My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
