Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So many bounce houses so little time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
