Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
